Chicken, Alaska is a tiny community 30 miles west of the Canadian border and about 300 miles east from Fairbanks. With an official population of 7, Chicken has no electrical service, telephones or central plumbing.

Needless to say, the quiet band of residents was shocked to see a SWAT-style squad pour out of the wilderness wearing full body armor demanding answers. Was it an attempt to break up a terror cell, arrest drug runners, or rescue endangered women, children and puppies?

The Alaska Environmental Crimes Task Force conducted the paramilitary raid to check for dirty water.

The commando squad… er, Environmental Task Force… was enforcing Section 404 of the Clean Water Act, which governs water discharges into rivers, streams, lakes and oceans.

The greater Chicken metroplex (pop. <100) is home to a few independent gold miners. These old-school prospectors dig up dirt from their claim area, place it in a sluice box and use water to wash away everything that isn’t gold. Not exactly open-pit mining.

“Imagine coming up to your diggings, only to see agents swarming over it like ants, wearing full body armor, with jackets that say POLICE emblazoned on them, and all packing side arms,” said C.R. “Dick” Hammond, a Chicken gold miner who got a visit from the task force.

“How would you have felt?” Hammond asked. “You would be wondering, ‘My God, what have I done now?’”

An isolated miner carrying gold easily could have mistaken the raids as a robbery attempt and reacted accordingly. Local miner David Likins is thankful no one got hurt. “If it were my mine, and I was sitting on some gold, and people came storming out of the woods, I would probably meet them on the porch,” he said, hinting at a Bidenesque confrontation.

The miners understandably felt intimidated by the government’s extreme tactics and successfully requested that their senators and representatives look into the matter. The EPA eventually sent a junior representative to Chicken, but he didn’t offer many answers.

Ken Fisher, the EPA’s Deputy Director for Alaska, claimed the officers were armed because Alaska State Troopers warned of drug and human trafficking. But the Troopers laugh at that claim — there isn’t much demand to smuggle contraband between unpopulated rural Alaska and the unpopulated Yukon Territory.

Fisher later claimed the EPA had evidence of severe water quality violations, and targeted dangerous miners with past violations. But to date, no charges have been filed against any Chicken-area miners and several of those raided had never received so much as a citation.

Alaska Governor Sean Parnell has called for a special counsel to investigate the task force’s tactics, but he worries how the feds will respond. “My next concern is that people might now be facing trumped-up charges because the EPA is trying to justify its actions,” Parnell said. “I don’t believe we are getting all the facts.” 

Follow Jon on Twitter at @ExJon.

I remember the Old Age — the time Before Obama. 

We had cruel rulers who were so focused on wars and greed that they never shared a vital secret with their subjects. These latter-day Neros and Caligulae never once told the dessicated masses about a simple, life-giving treasure. The treasure of Water.

It was a dark time. A thirsty time.

The great unquenched responded this thirst with great confusion. Bewildered and beparched peasants would stuff their mouths with cotton, stones, even glass, for none had been told of the quenching power of Water.

But wealthy and powerful and aged men jealously guarded this aqueous secret. Precious aqua was diverted to fuel their war machines and their Wall Street.

But a Herald emerged from the Heartland. He heard the dry, croaky moans of his countrymen (and countrywomen!). Like a voice crying in the wilderness, he proclaimed: "Let me be clear: Drink water!"

They called this Herald “Hussein Obama.” H2O. His very initials the formula to quench a people's thirst for Hydrative Justice. At first, many were confused by this “water.” Is it a new weapon, a type of oxcart or something? What sorcery is this?

But slowly, fear was replaced with acceptance. As citizens touched the odorless, colorless treasure to their cracked lips, a sense of relief and wonder flooded the land. They celebrated Barack the Watergiver and installed him as their refreshing new chieftain.

Just five years on, we have begun to take water for granted. We almost expect to find water in every tap, river or stream in the land. But it was not always so.

The wife of our Leader has found a new vocation to provide new meaning to her already remarkable life. Having reminded the citizenry to eat food and to move their body parts, she has now begun to travel the land reminding us to drink water.

This new Blessed Mother and her beautiful celebrity friends will remind us of our all-too-recent unquenched past.

“I’ve come to realize that if we were going to take just one step to make ourselves and our families healthier, probably the single best thing we could do is to simply drink more water. It’s as simple as that,” Obama said during a kick-off event at a high school in the aptly-named Watertown, Wis. “Drink just one more glass of water a day and you can make a real difference for your health, for your energy and the way that you feel.”

“Water is the first and best energy drink,” she told a crowd at a water festival outside the school. “I drink a ton of water.”

So drink your water, citizens. But before you do, remember those who once thirsted. And thank your government from which all life flows.

Follow Jon on Twitter at @ExJon.

Dear FreedomWorks member,

I am writing to alert you that Congress is currently voting on a series of amendments to H.R. 5325, the Energy and Water Development and Related Agencies Appropriations Act. The following amendment has already been voted on and we encourage you to check how your representative voted here: http://clerk.house.gov/evs/2012/roll311.xml. Unfortunately, the amendment failed 133 to 275.

• An amendment introduced by Rep. Tom McClintock, H.AMDT.1178, to eliminate the Office of Energy Efficiency and Renewable Energy and saves $1.5 billion in the process.

It is unclear as of this writing which of the remaining proposed amendments will be voted on. However, we have so far identified the following amendments as potential key votes that we may score on our scorecard if they come up for a vote. We encourage you to contact your representatives and urge them to vote YES.

• The Blackburn Amendment would cut 1 percent across the board to save taxpayers an additional $321 million. This amendment would cut wasteful spending and help restore fiscal sanity to the Water and Energy Appropriations Bill.

 • The Mulvaney Amendment would support the Republican Study Committee (RSC) Budget by making a $3.1 billion cut to all accounts in the bill except funding for the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, National Nuclear Security Administration, and nuclear energy related accounts. This would make a 0.3% reduction to discretionary spending under the House Budget.

I urge you to call your representative and ask him or her to vote YES on these amendments to H.R. 5325, the Energy and Water Development and Related Agencies Appropriation Act. We may count their votes as KEY VOTES when calculating the FreedomWorks Economic Freedom Scorecard for 2012. The Economic Freedom Scorecard is used to determine eligibility for the Jefferson Award, which recognizes members of Congress with voting records that support economic freedom.

Sincerely,

Matt Kibbe
President and CEO
FreedomWorks
[Click here for a PDF version of this key vote.]